“On Being. . .”
“On Being” is the title of a podcast, and former public radio program, that is focused on conversation, curiosity, and connection through exploring the human experience. Ever since I first listened to it on the American National Public Radio in my early 20s, the title stuck in my head.
Because what a great title for a story telling platform, right? Because that’s what all of us are doing here on Earth; we’re being.
For lots of us, and especially my fellow LGBTQ+ and Neurodivergent folks, being has rarely ever come easily or simply. Often, merely trying to exist in our bodies and minds leaves us exhausted, marginalized, forgotten, and stressed. Often being ourselves meant that we were mocked and excluded, especially as kids. Every neurodivergent client I have ever worked with has at least one crucial memory as a child when they first learned to mask (cover up their authentic self and adopt neurotypical/allistic mannerisms and behaviors to be socially accepted). Maybe it was something a friend at school said, or the way a parent corrected our behavior in front of other kids, or being given the dreaded label of “weird” or “annoying” simply for expressing excitement over a special interest topic or hobby. As we grow up we find ourselves defined by these experiences and messages that morph into painfully rigid rules for ourselves: don’t talk too much or you’ll get called annoying; don’t get to excited and begin stimming or you’ll be rejected and called weird; don’t be yourself if you want to have friends and be socially successful in life.
So what do we do when these rigid rules hurt us and our ability to be? We seek out a way to understand, undo, and re-write these messages to create more flexibility, freedom, and authenticity in our lives.
As a therapist trained, and training, in Internal Family Systems (also known as IFS or Parts Work) I support this process by working directly with the source of this message: the Part that holds the vivid and somatic memory of that defining experience. Through various tools, skills, and interventions, along with psycho-education to support self-led Parts Work, I help clients to meet and interact with these Parts from a place of compassion, curiosity, and empathy. We don’t shame, or judge, or criticize the Parts that hold and maintain these rules and masks. Instead we seek to understand them, build trust with the client and their Capital S-Self (or Higher Self, Authentic Self, etc.), and work together to, in time, relieve these Parts of their burden of carrying these rigid messages so that the Part and the client can both be free to be.
If you’re interested in engaging in this work, fill out my consultation form and let’s talk!
Check out the On Being Project, it’s really cool!
